Knitted Prayer Shawl

Today a dear friend of mine gave me a hand knitted prayer shawl. It was about a month ago that I mentioned to her that I didn't have one. I was giving one to a friend of mine on the occasion of her mother's memorial service. It's something we've been able to do as a church, simply because we have a lovely group of women who knit and crochet on the second Tuesday of every month in a prayerful setting and donate their handiwork to the church to give away as gifts of love to those who need or want a tangible reminder of God's warm embrace and unending love for them.

What a blessing several weeks ago as she brought in two different colors of blue yarn for me to choose from, and even last week as she asked what kind of edges I wanted on it. I left it up to her, as I really have simply felt honored that she would even do this for me. To pray for me and put her amazing handiwork to this soft (and warm) shawl, that is wrapped around me as I type this now.

The color is a deep royal blue with shades of teal mixed in. I don't remember what color she said was on the package of yarn, but to me it's the color of the sky as I look up to see clouds that remind me of a photographer friend who died last year. Or, the color of the ocean - as I have always loved the way that water speaks to me. I was born in CA which I seem to think has something to do with my love for the ocean and all marine life. Like being imersed in deep water, this shawl takes me deep within my soul to remember the One who gives me life, and breath, and blessings and all things.

I'm blessed by my friend who made this shawl, for her heart to think so much of me and work so hard on something so dear. I am blessed by the way she worked through a tough time in her own family - with parental health issues and travels to be near them, only to come home to officiate a funeral. She stands in the gap of honor by choice. I'm reminded of our choices we make that make differences in the lives of others. What courage to be a person of character, of honor, of love. She did this out of her desire to bless me in a place to recognize who I am in the larger picture of God's Kingdom. Although I work at a church, she chose to give this to me outside of working hours, so I am reminded that it's not about my job...but about who I am.

Why is it so hard for me, sometimes, to remember that God is loving me in the midst of my own failings and my own high expectations of myself? My family doesn't seem to notice the things I do to help them function on a daily basis. I struggle with not hollering at my kids or my husband as they do something that irritates me or nags at my self-righteousness. I don't love them as well as I think I should. I don't love them half as well as I know I can. It's easier to love my friends who blog and leave Facebook status updates...so I can comment to them by electronic words. It's hard to love by washing clothes, cleaning toilets, and raking leaves. It's hard to love by playing catch with my 4 yr old, and reading out loud to my 10 year old. That takes too much energy.
I'm exhausted, emotionally, physically, mentally...and I find that I don't know how to really rest.

And so...once again I find myself grateful for a sweet blue prayer shawl. For tonight, I pray not only for strangers in some brotherhood of military personnel...but I pray for my own family. I pray for my children, and their hearts to know Jesus. I pray for my husband, to find meaning and notice God's amazing love for him, as well. And, I sit peacefully in prayer - in the arms of my Heavenly Father - as He reminds me that it's not about what I do, but about who I am in Him that is love.

Into the Waters

This piece was originally published in our church bi-monthly newspaper, summer of 2008.

http://www.thedoor.org/resources/documents/julaug08_know_web.pdf

Responding to Jesus’ desire that we be baptized.
By Julia Schirmers

The air was crisp that sunny Minnesota morning in July, as I was on my way to Fish Lake to set up for our church baptism service. I paused to reflect, What a glorious way to give your heart and life to Jesus – through an outdoor baptism – surrounded by the glory of creation. We set up the pavilion for the worship service, raked the beach to remove debris, posted signs along the way, and set out rosters, programs, and certificates for the sponsors to sign. Then, we waited. As the worship team set up, the candidates and their families arrived, dressed in swimsuits and t-shirts with towels in hand, ready to enter into the symbolism of what they had already done in their hearts as they prepared for this day.

Upon each baptism event, I reflect back on my own baptism experience as a believer in Christ, and the times I have witnessed and sponsored others. The memories are vivid, and touch me as a way of life. Many who have heard my story have heard me say how much I love witnessing baptisms – the simplicity of the event, the depth of the heart and conviction of the believer, and the way that it proclaims God’s grace and love for us in such a tangible way. It is not only a standard Christian sacrament – a covenant with God – but also a way of living. A mentor of mine says “baptism is a point and a journey.” It’s a day in the life of a believer, but it is also a step toward an eternal life of following Jesus and letting go of our own agenda.

I wasn’t raised in a Christian home, but my parents allowed my brother, sister, and me to attend church with our neighborhood friends. My father was raised in the Roman Catholic tradition, but didn’t share any faith with us. My mother was raised in Japan, where eastern religion teachings left her disillusioned and uncertain of any god. My life was “normal” by societal standards, and I wasn’t really looking for God. I attended Sunday school a couple of times with a friend in second or third grade, and somehow, God found me. Through a gentle, elderly teacher, I experienced the love and acceptance of Jesus. She didn’t place judgment on the fact that my family didn’t own a Bible, or that I had never seen scripture before. But she asked if I could read, and she handed me a small slip of paper with a scripture verse on it. I don’t remember the verse, but I do remember how I felt that day…the day that Jesus captured my heart. I felt accepted, honored, and beloved.

I continued on my journey, somehow always knowing in my heart that Jesus was mine, and I was His. As we moved to the suburbs, I continued to be attracted to people who went to church. In junior high, I regularly attended a Lutheran church with our neighbors and entered into a youth group that offered more than just catechism and social time.

I felt a strong need to be baptized, to publicly declare my desire to follow
Jesus. Once I felt I could comprehend the complete forgiveness of sins, I urged the pastor to baptize me. The pastor and I met and talked about sin, and how baptism isn’t magic but carries with it the deep spiritual unknown that unifies us with Christ in his death, burial, and resurrection through the public profession of our faith. He also said that confirmation was about “confirming the baptism chosen for us by our parents. It’s your own chance to step forward publicly and declare Jesus as Savior.” My parents hadn’t chosen infant baptism for me. I wasn’t feeling good about stepping forward with my peers, just like I was “supposed to” do. I urged him once more to baptize me individually, because I was compelled by Christ’s command to be baptized, and to baptize others in His name. My parents and family attended my baptism in that suburban Lutheran church, and I became a new person in Christ.

Because I am human, I didn’t always follow in His ways. I found myself making poor choices as a teenager and young adult, and yet I still claimed to be a believer. I witnessed some close friends get married, and they chose to be baptized through immersion before their wedding. Their testimony of faith and desire to follow Jesus reminded me of my own baptism, and I rededicated my life to Christ.

But I must continually choose to live apart from my old ways, apart from the ways that cause sin and pain. One of Open Door’s core beliefs says about baptism: “We must choose daily to walk in the life and pattern of Christ rather than in our own strength and desires.”

When I was hired to work at Open Door, I had the privilege of covering administrative details for baptisms. Through circumstances only God could orchestrate, I was able to sponsor a candidate for baptism that Easter, to share my story as well as travel through the preparation process with another soul who longs to pursue the ways of Christ. That candidate and I have remained friends, although our lives carry us away from each other in day-to-day living.

In 2007, my eight-year-old daughter was at a place in her life where she felt a true desire to follow Christ, and she wanted to get baptized. I really wasn’t sure if she was ready, and I poked and prodded her for “the right answer” for several months, because I didn’t want her to make this decision lightly. Was there a right answer, or was it simply that she came to Him with an innocent heart, the faith of a child? Maybe she wanted to declare publicly that her life now belonged to Christ. After a conversation with Pastor Wendy, her dad and I asked her to choose a sponsor, someone who would teach her and help her grow in her faith. We suggested teachers,
friends from church, and family, but I was surprised and delighted when she chose me.

I walked alongside her during Holy Week 2007, and was honored to enter the water to renew my own declaration of faith as well as usher her into this symbol of death to life. She entered the water my daughter and also my sister in Christ. Her faith story is her own, and what a blessing it was for me and my story, to witness and be a part of this time in her life. We walk out our faith together as a family, and as individuals who are deeply and richly loved by Jesus.

A worshipful melody sends us out to the beach, and a circle of believers forms in the water. As each candidate comes forward to be baptized, the sun shines warm. The water is cool and refreshing, and cameras are clicking, trying to capture what will be a symbolic point in these believers’ lives…not only a memory for today, but a life to walk in for eternity.

The Dignity to Give and Receive

Another note from one of my mentors, Henri Nouwen, is below.

I'm learning much about myself as I examine my own responses to those I come into contact with - or actually avoid - who are homeless, holding signs that say "Hungry & Homeless" and who don't have the material things I have. I'm moving towards them, and excited to get behind movies like "The Soloist" and websites like Takepart.com. I've always had a strong internal response about handing out money to those with signs on the side of the road, and it's mostly been "if I give him money, he'll just use it on liquor or drugs or something else." But, with some tools, there are other things I can do - and not necessarily monitarily - to engage in, react positively to, and actually help give dignity to those who are on hard times.

The Dignity to Give and Receive - Henri Nouwen

"Nobody is so poor that he/she has nothing to give, and nobody is so rich that he/she has nothing to receive."
These words by Pope John-Paul II, offer a powerful direction for all who want to work for peace. No peace is thinkable as long as the world remains divided into two groups: those who give and those who receive. Real human dignity is found in giving as well as receiving. This is true not only for individuals but for nations, cultures, and religious communities as well.

A true vision of peace sees a continuous mutuality between giving and receiving. Let's never give anything without asking ourselves what we are receiving from those to whom we give, and let's never receive anything without asking what we have to give to those from whom we receive.

Sad news from MN Zoo

http://www.mnzoo.org/animals/discovery_bay/dolphin_blog.asp

Baby dolphin calf had been eagerly awaited for 12 months. Sadly, she didn't make it. Momma dolphin seems to be doing okay for now. Attempts to breed this species in a zoo will continue, to help populations in the wild through education efforts.

Living Faithfully in an Ambiguous World

A note from Henri Nouwen Society's Daily Meditations 3.27.09

Our hearts and minds desire clarity. We like to have a clear picture of a situation, a clear view of how things fit together, and clear insight into our own and the world's problems. But just as in nature colors and shapes mingle without clear-cut distinctions, human life doesn't offer the clarity we are looking for. The borders between love and hate, evil and good, beauty and ugliness, heroism and cowardice, care and neglect, guilt and blamelessness are mostly vague, ambiguous, and hard to discern.

It is not easy to live faithfully in a world full of ambiguities. We have to learn to make wise choices without needing to be entirely sure.

I love this song...Crazy

Shawn Colvin recorded a Gnarls Barkley cover of Crazy in StudioC at Cities97 last year and put it on one of their year-end samplers that raise money for a variety of charities in the twin cities. Because she has been a favorite of mine for several years...I thought I'd share a favorite tune. The lyrics are a bit controversial...but I think it's really just about trying to be in control in a world where that's not really possible.
What do you think they mean?

Crazy
I remember when, I remember when I lost my mind

There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
And so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly

And those of you are having the time of your life
But think twice,
that's my only advice
Come on now,
who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,
Ha ha, ha bless mine soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking,
I wanna be like them.
Ever since I was little,
ever since I was little it looked like fun
So it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

But Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably

Home for the Holidays

Many writers have said that love makes a house a home...and I have to agree.
On Monday, we're closing on our first home. The feeling of anticipation, panic that we're not packed, fear that the mortgage and utilities will be way more than we'll be comfortable with, and doing this all at Christmastime leaves my stomache a bit unsettled. We've come a long way...to get out of debt, to build a decent credit score, to figure out Christmas gifts in advance...which never really happened...and yet with all of the excitement of owning our own home - it's crazy to think that we're actually doing this in the midst of a global economic downturn where layoffs are prevalent and businesses are failing miserably.

I can only say, that by the grace of God, and the love of my husband and family - and they have really come through with help cleaning and moving our stuff - I am one of the richest people on the planet. My life is blessed, and the stirrings in my heart about what God may have in store for us with this house are signs of growth, both nearer and deeper in Jesus.

I pray that you find the deep and rich blessings that Christmas holds...and that you realize the love that you have for others is returned by the immense love that Our Father has for you.

Peace and Joy amidst the pain...

Moving On

I've been hidden for a while. Not that I don't have some great stuff to write, but that I just am finding I'd rather spend my time with the wonderful husband and lovely children that God has given me. For my kids I fill my time and expend my energies on quality time. For my husband, I partner and travel along lifes journey with him. For me...I live my life as "normal" as can be expected in my (what may seem to some) boring life, finding out every day who I am becoming.

For those that want to find me...I've moved to facebook with my name: Julia Schirmers.
If you find me there, after looking here, drop me a note and let me know.

This is not to say that I won't be back here ever again. Just that I'm not intentionally going to post. Not that I did very regularly anyhow.

Peace!!

What do I really want for my birthday?

Each year I ask my husband what he wants for his birthday, or Christmas, or whatever gift-giving holiday is coming up, and he usually has a long list of specific items. I think his love language is way more "gifts" than he thinks it is.
I often struggle with offering up anything for people to get me, mostly because I'm not one to dwell on the stuff I don't have, but to dwell on the blessings in life. Okay, I'm not bragging, but I see my humility is going to be put to the test here. It's not that I see myself as better than others because I don't wish for personal things, but that I really just don't think about these things very much.

My birthday is coming up here in another week, and I'm getting the same kinds of questions from my mother-in-law, my husband, my mom, etc.
These intangible things seem so difficult to tell them, but this is what I'm thinking.

I want time to write, to take pictures with a better camera, more time to write, time to sing out loud with my friends, to get a new computer for home - maybe a laptop, to walk on the beach with my daughter when it's warm, to build sandcastles with my son near the water, to kiss my husband long and hard without our children interrupting, to walk and hold hands with my husband along a quiet stretch of sandy beach without saying a word. I want to lose some weight and keep it off, and to be able to run again without being totally exhausted after one mile. I wish for deeper relationships with the friends I have, and to be more appreciative of those who want to build a friendship.

Everyone - okay almost everyone - at work is on facebook. I have yet to dive into that world, although I've heard it's much easier to post a daily note versus an entire blog post. Let me know your thoughts. Not many people follow my blog - mostly because I don't post very often. But if you're here - then thank you for reading my blog. I hope you'll comment to tell me you're here. I usually take this space to vow to be better about posting. That's not going to happen - no vows, not necessarily going to post more, either. But, I'll do what I can in this season of life.

Am I a foodie?

What's a foodie, you ask? Well, it's a term I heard on TV a few months back. I've never considered it a negative word, but to many it means snobby food critic.

According to Wiki:
Foodie is an informal term for a particular class of aficionado of food and drink. The word was coined in 1984 by Paul Levy, Ann Barr, and Mat Sloan for their book The Official Foodie Handbook.

Check out : What is a foodie, anyway? on Slashfood.com.
She says anyone can be a foodie. But, I'm not sure I'm in the category yet - as mostly I just love to eat food, create food, research recipies, and see what other foodies have cooking. Although Nicole seems to think you just have to want to know things about food, and have a thirst for knowledge about food, then I guess that's what I am. After all, I don't have a friend that doesn't like to eat good food. Well, I have some friends who are picky eaters, but they know what they like.

I'm hoping a better knowledge of food - and nutrition - will help me stay away from nasty tasting dry baked goods that are terribly bad for my body, and will turn me towards healthy things I already love to eat - red peppers, herbed chicken, fresh fruit. Okay, is that convincing enough to my subconscious to stay away from birthday cake?

Hmmm...anyone getting hungry?

New music and lots of heart

My husband and I were dating in college, and attended a concert on campus by Billy McLaughlin. He's an incredible guitarist and musician who uses a fingerstyle of guitar playing.

Billy has been a favorite of ours ever since that first concert, and we've followed his work for almost 20 years.

Several years ago, he disappeared from the Twin Cities music scene, and we wondered if he just simply decided to stay at home and raise a family with his wife, or if something else had gone wrong. The last time we saw a full concert by him was at the MN Zoo music in the summer series in 2001. As it turns out, he had an injury, and was thereafter diagnosed with focal dystonia - a crippling disease that caused him to lose the ability to play guitar with his right hand. Until last year when he appeared back on the scene, and I saw a story on Kare11, because Billy has now retaught himself to play guitar with his left hand.

An incredible journey of faith in God, and determination...Billy's music takes you to the places he writes about. If you get a chance, check him out. We got to see a little bit of his concert at tpt2 (public TV) studios in St. Paul as they celebrated their 50th anniversary. What a treat to watch Billy live, and take in the strolling melodies of guitar and strings.

But, the best time yet...we got an email invite to see Billy play at 318Cafe in Excelsior on Feb 1. Yes, it pays to get on email subscriptions.

What a treat! Billy's music sounds incredible, and in such an intimate atmosphere (only about 50 people were in the place that night) his music sings over the small crowd of friends. We got a chance to talk afterwards, and look forward to continuing to email and attend his future performances. If you get a chance, you've gotta check it out. Billy, thank you for your music, and for your incredible story. It's good to call your music "old friend."

Check out "The Return of Billy McLaughlin" on You Tube!

Auld Lang Syne - Remembering 2007

I'm reflecting and examining my life and the life of my family over the past year. And, because I don't want to lose the Christmas spirit by rushing around and hurrying to get things done before Christmas...I was going to take the weeks after Christmas to write Happy New Year cards and celebrate how blessed we've been in 2007, as we look forward to 2008. Oh well...all good intentions are nothing until they're completed. So...no cards this season. But plenty of reflections.

Here are a few...

My son turned 2 in Jan 2007- and what fun it has been to watch him grow and develop into a toddler.

My daughter chose to be baptized in Christ at Easter time - shortly after her 8th birthday. She chose me as her sponsor, and what a priviledge that was.

We went to a Twins Game on Memorial weekend - as they honored American veterans and Military Service Personnel.

In June, my dear friend and boss, Lisa, got married and moved to Trinidad. At the end of May, I was promoted to Ministry Coordinator - taking her job, and supervising 4 administrative postions, including my old position.
My nephew (brother's son) graduated from high school in the spring, and my sister flew in from Seattle for the weekend. It was good to all be together, although it was a difficult weekend relationally. The disfunctionality of our family was so extremely hurtful and brought to light in many ways. I'm sad it didn't turn out better or change things between us, but it's what it is, and I'm okay with that for now. Auntie met my kids for the first time, and it was good for them to get to know her a little bit.

We went up to the Kettle River over July 4th weekend, and the big highlight, next to spending a little time with my dad, was going organic strawberry picking. My daughter had a blast, and my son couldn't stop from running through the sprinklers and munching on fresh berries.

In July - we went up to Sauk Center to celebrate Great-grandma's (my husband's grandma) 92nd birthday. The kids had a blast with all of the extended family and even got on the John Deere. My daughter spent the entire day in the lake, so not as many pictures of her this day.

In the summer, we went to the beach and the zoo often.

In July, we spent a day away from work to be with our kids, and enjoyed an annual pilgrimage to Minnehaha falls - riding the light rail from downtown Minneapolis and stopping at the Mall of America .

August 1st marked my husband's 42nd birthday. We planned a quiet evening out, that became a night we couldn't keep our eyes off of the TV news. This was the night that the 35W Bridge collapsed in Minneapolis. I remember how strange and surreal it all felt. We were glad to be together and remembered how blessed we've been.

The end of August brought me to an annual retreat with the staff at church, and then I ran my first ever 5K race. I placed way towards the end, and much further back than the rest of my friends, but felt good to do it, and to be motivated to do something. It won't be my last. I'm hoping to start running again in the spring, and hopefully I'll be able to keep it going longer this year. Who knows?


Fall brought us indoors more. The Children's Museum held a Curious George exhibit, and our son enjoyed it much.

Christmas time in our household - lots of toys, joys, girls and boys.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,and never brought to mind ?

Should old acquaintance be forgot,and auld lang syne ?
CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !And surely I’ll buy mine !And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,for auld lang syne.
CHORUS
We two have run about the slopes,and picked the daisies fine ;But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,since auld lang syne.
CHORUS
We two have paddled in the stream,from morning sun till dine (dinner time) ;But seas between us broad have roared since auld lang syne.
CHORUS
And there’s a hand my trusty friend !And give us a hand o’ thine !And we’ll take a right good-will draught, for auld lang syne.
CHORUS

Does it matter in the life of a child?

Tonight, we had parent teacher conferences with my daughter's third grade teacher. My daughter and I talk realistically about expectations of her studies, and we try to keep her focused each night when we get home and remind her to complete her homework before she plays with toys, or anything else she wants to do for the night. I don't remember having this much homework when I was this age. Really, I remember a lot of homework in jr high and high school, but not this much in elementary grades.

Well, one project her teacher had the class do was to write out their personal goals for the year. My daughter wrote me a letter, and folded it neatly in thirds, and put her name and address in the return address spot, and my name and address in the recipient spot, like a business envelope.

I asked if she wanted me to read it right away, or if I should wait. She said I could read it whenever I wanted to, so I waited...and it was a good thing I did. Once we got home and I was able to settle down on the couch for a moment, I neatly lifted the blue smiley face star sticker that sealed it, unfolded it, read it, and cried. Not just a tiny trickle of a tear...but gushing waterfalls and heaving sobs came rushing out of my face uncontrollably - so much so that my husband seemed very concerned and came over to read what I just opened. These are the times I'm once again grateful that God placed him in my life.

I suppose my reaction to the letter was just unleashing the stress of the past few months on the job, and at home...or perhaps grieving yet more transition and friends moving on from my workplace. I love working in ministry a lot, but I'm finding that I'm quite dissappointed in how often people move on - and how God's plan is to grow us, which requires much change. Yes, yes, we all know that a fully grown frog looks nothing like a tadpole, a fully grown oak tree looks nothing like the acorn, and a fully grown human looks nothing like the infant it once was. And yet, even as an adult, I realize just how much growing I'm still doing. It's frightening. I don't know how to react or how to continue to stretch and grow. No wonder they call them growing pains - because they really do hurt.

My mom has been stuggling the past two years with periodic episodes of hypoglycemia. As a diabetic for 15 years, she's had to be very careful about what she eats and how she takes her medicine, and yet being "careful" could bring her into a coma when her blood sugars are too low, and she cannot function as a human being. She exercises regularly, lives independently, and eats nutritiously. But yet, she continues to have episodes like this more and more often. The many times I've called her and she's responded incoherently, or slowly, or she simply cannot move or respond at all have been terribly frightening. And anyone who has lost a parent or has been close to an ill parent can understand what I mean. It just shouldn't be this way. The person I've looked up to my whole entire life should be independent and setting an example of how to grow old gracefully, not stuggling with staying alive.

Because I'm closest to her (both geographically, and because I'm the oldest daughter) she relys on me for help with things around the house, and she helps me out by watching the kids, helping with laundry, and even with financial assistance. We're very close. We've had to establish accountability routines with each other, and that has also brought us closer. She calls me each morning at 6:30am, and that way I know that she is awake and alert, and that her blood sugar is not too low. I also call her each afternoon on my way home from work, to see how her day was and to check to be sure she has eaten a meal recently or has had a snack. I'd do anything to keep what we have going, but anything can happen, and life has a way of changing things. There's only one constant and that is that things change. And so, for the past several weeks, her blood sugars have remained more stable, she's regaining an appetite for nutritious food, and is beginning to feel much better about her health. I haven't had to worry as much about her, because she is now better able to control her blood sugar, and is able to eat when she's hungry - and she actually is feeling hungry again.

And then, it's sometime's the simplest things that make me wonder if the life I'm living is worthwhile. God brings to me a little sweetness and a memory of what life and LOVE is supposed to taste, feel, look, smell, and sound like. Like the taste of dark chocolate covered fresh strawberries dipped in soft cream cheese, the feel of a warm down comforter wrapped around me as I'm drifting off to sleep, the look of my son's face as he smiles with wide eyes and deep dimples, the smell of my husband's skin as he comes home from work, or after he's been playing hard with our kids, and the sound of my daughter's voice as she reads a book outloud or says her prayers before bed, or the roar of a hometown crowd at the world series when Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling strikes out a Colorado batter in the World Series. (Yes, the game is on in the background. Have you seen the movie "Fever Pitch?")

I'm encouraged when I get to see and hear that the people around me are affected by the way I choose to live, and the things I choose to do. Like insisting that homework be done before play, or that all things must take priority somewhere - and that really does include my family, and that mom needs to learn how to eat healthy snacks.

Although I get a lot of whines, wimpers and outright defiance from my daughter when we're working on something that's difficult for her...I often wonder if she cares, and does it matter? Although my mom insists that she's alright and has everything under control - even when I nag her about going to test her blood sugar level, I wonder if she cares, and does it matter? When my mom calls to say "I just needed to hear your voice" I second guess myself and wonder if it matters.
Here's the letter my daughter wrote...in her exact words - letter by letter, space by space. And, it was legible. Good job, honey-girl.

Dear mom,
Thank you for helping me with my spelling.
My goal for the y ear is to work on my hand writeing.
Love,
Layne
P.S. I love you.

5K results

I found out you really shouldn't run a 5k race after you've walked the MN State fairgrounds from 8am to 8pm the day before. I also found out that all the hype and goal setting doesn't help much with motivation unless you have another goal to follow it up with.

Results: 5K in 51.6minutes.
Most of the other runners - my friends - ran it in 28 or 30 minutes.

I also found out that I've got some really great friends - especially the one that stuck through until I came in to the finish line, and re-ran the last .25mi with me and encouraged me to sprint to the end - which I never would have done without her. Thanks, Julie. Your encouragement and motivation through training, and during the run was a huge help to me, and it meant a lot.

I've stopped running - lots of excuses, but of course it only takes one.
And, I'm pushing myself to consider other exercise options. Running made me feel better about myself, as well as feel good physically. I may pick it up again sometime, but for now...I'm looking for indoor exercise, like lifting my fork to my mouth. Ha.

GO! Northside 5K FunRun

I’m running/walking in my first ever 5K race. That’s 3.1 miles.
GO! Northside 5K FunRun

I began my training with a 25 minute run/walk in mid July - and with only one week to go, I’m not even close to getting up to 3 miles in my training. But, it is facinating to see how far I can push myself, and how I can push a little harder and farther each time I'm out running.

I guess I’d better push it harder this week, and see what my body will let me get away with.
I’ll let you know what I find out.

Irish Fair - this weekend!!

http://www.irishfair.com/
See you there!! We're going to be there on Saturday this weekend...and take in some Irish Stew, Fish 'n' Chips, and good ol' Bailey's Irish Creme Cheesecake.


Cara Irish Pubs Main Stage
7:00 pm - Sheep Herding Demonstration - O'Reilly's Border Collies
7:30 pm - Gaelic Storm
9:00 pm - The Young Dubliners



Lots of fun, dancing, events for the kids...
Photos to follow.

Blackbird

My uncle died in Okinawa 2 weeks ago. More than 800 people attended his funeral there.
I pray for peace for my family, and envision him meeting the Creator.

Just listening to a favorite Beatle's song...whistle along if you remember the tune.
Paul McCartney said this song's about civil rights. In England girls are called birds, so this is Paul singing to a blackgirl, saying don't give up the fight.

I imagine taking the brokenness of all that I am, and flying away to Jesus.
I think I want this played at my funeral.


Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly,
Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly,
Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

It's personal: The beginning of the race conversation

Something deep is beginning to stir in me again. These are feelings I haven't had in a long time. Not because they don't affect me daily, but because I've tried to ignore them. The pain is too tender and I struggle with why God has made us to think, act, live, breathe, eat, feel so different about how we all get along. Some of this may be due to the huge melting pot of a country that we live in; and some of it may just be the way He's wired me.

I began this post on March 28, but left it for awhile. Now, the news of Don Imus - and so many others - who are deeply unaware of how their thoughts on the world around them come out in verbal comments - and how they hurt others...makes me think deeper about my own "stuff" on race. The following is just one story, of which, I have many.

When I was a child, growing up in suburban Minneapolis area, I played with my blonde-haired blue eyed caucasian friends, and for the most part, we didn't even know that we were different. They say that hate is learned from others, and many times from our parents.
In fact, in Junior High, when a dark skinned friend of mine asked me to go to a movie with him...my mother was sure to remind me how difficult life would be if were ever to marry a black man. huh? She proceeded to tell me how life for any children of mixed races are very difficult.

pause...Well, really?? Wasn't I already a product of this? Didn't she think I understood what being a mixed race person was about in this society? She didn't think that Japanese and White have the same prejudices as Black and White/Japanese??? Come on...

So, as it turned out, I never did go to that movie with him, or date him on any level. In fact, that was most likely the end of our friendship.

Race is becoming a very emotional topic for me lately. Not sure what God is stirring in me. I just know that I need to start paying attention. So, if I get some time, my goal is to blog my thoughts & feelings here.

If you haven't experienced it yet, I'd really encourage you to check out the MN Science Museum's exhibit on Race. Interesting conversation...at least I think so. Mostly because for me...it's personal.

Listening to my favorites again

Just Showed Up For My Own Life - by Sara Groves

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in

I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed

I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

(Lyrics taken from www.lyricsmania.com)

Kids and Snow

Okay...I've just got to share these lovely faces with my friends.

My boy turned TWO in January, and this was one of his first times playing in that lovely wet white-stuff. His big sister dug out a huge hole in a snow bank, and they climbed right in.

Too fun.

Books for Soldiers

If you have used books that are just sitting on your bookshelf
collecting dust...
If you thoroughly enjoyed reading a book and you tell everyone you see
about it...
If you inherited some books because a loved one has died or moved...
If you found an old box of books that you can't justify reading again...

One more resource I may have mentioned a long time ago...
www.booksforsoldiers.com

Worth Dying For

“A man who won’t die for something is not fit to live.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

Check out this opinion article on Military.com.

http://www.military.com/opinion/0,15202,123218,00.html

It's a good day today

Today is my boy’s 2^nd birthday. Yes, we’re excited, and love how fun he is becoming, and how the words of a toddler just make us giggle.

Whenever we’re in the store, he identifies characters that he sees on any merchandise, no matter how small.

Bah-budge (Sponge Bob), Thomas (the tank engine), Q-Q (Blue’s Clues), and Bah-da-bidda (Bob the Builder) all show up in the bath aisle, or the towels and bedding aisles. I turn around to look at what he sees, and it amazes me how he can pick out a small picture of Thomas from such a long distance away. He’s constantly looking for things that are familiar to him.

 

Yesterday afternoon, as we picked up his sister at school, we peeked out of the car seat at the sky for a good 1-2 minutes looking at a very noisy jet airplane that was passing overhead. Everything seems to be amazing to him, and such a sweet gift for me to be able to watch him experience life like this.

 

And, I bought a new Bible last night. It’s not for me…it’s for a soldier in Iraq who gave his away to his interpreter who was interested and came to a Bible study with him this past Sunday. The email from him was so touching, to see how God is moving in his life, and in the life of others he’s coming in contact with. The army forbids any soldier from converting any Iraqis to their religion. However, these two talk about culture and religion in their interest in creating friends. Such a sweet story, I’ll have to share it later…but it touched my heart so deeply, that I’m sending him a care package this week.

 

If you think of it, pray for Matt & “Rock” his interpreter friend.

 

Yes, God is good, all the time.

 

 

Loving a Person

 

Loving A Person by Sara Groves

Album: Add to the Beauty (2005)

 

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing

It takes some time to see things through

Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting

We need grace either way

 

Hold on to me

I'll hold on to you

Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

 

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying

It's a vulnerable place to be

Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby

Only one makes you free

 

Hold on to me

I'll hold on to you

Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

 

If we go looking for offense

We're going to find it

If we go looking for real love

We're going to find it

 

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing

It takes some time to see things through

Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting

We need grace either way

Military Ministry

Another resource to think about as many of our military men and women are serving away from home this Christmas. Please pray for the soldiers, airmen, sailors and marines of the US military who are serving around the globe.

www.milmin.com

 

As a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ, Military Ministry is helping send Rapid Deployment Kits (Each RDK includes a small camouflage New Testament with Psalms and Proverbs, an Our Daily Bread devotional guide, and a copy of Would You Like to Know God Personally? packaged in a waterproof bag designed to slip into a uniform pocket.)

 

 

God bring Peace and stillness to the planet.

Skyline

Driving into work this morning, I had a beautiful view of the Minneapolis Skyline.

(This is not my picture...I can't photograph and drive at the same time.)

I was thinking about how the skyline of my life has changed, yet I'm still the same person. New York City's skyline changed dramatically on Sept 11, 2001...yet it's still the same city, sort of.

I've added marriage, children and career to my skyline. The smaller buildings don't get seen from a distance, but the large ones in my life are visible to anyone who takes a look. I'm still the same creature that God created me to be...but I'm not fully there yet. Still under construction, I suppose. That's good, I wouldn't want to think that I'm finished learning yet. So much of the world I just don't understand. My city seems to be sprawling as I grow older, adding friends and loved ones, and watching my children grow.

But, it's interesting to see how a change in the angle, the direction, how the same skyline at the same time of day can look completely different, from a different perspective. I suppose my life looks different to others who don't know me than to those that do. Do I look the same from any angle?

As we move towards the end of 2006, I'm reflecting on what this past year has brought, and how much road construction I see ahead for 2007. What will God bring this year? Will I have joy, sorrow, questions, answers, loneliness, prosperity, peace, love, patience, anger, hesitancy, resentment, humility?

Romans 8:17-25
17And we know we are going to get what's coming to us - an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him! 18 That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. 19 The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. 20 Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in 21 until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.

What do you bring me, oh Lord? What will the skyline look like from 2007?
I do anticipate good times ahead...but one never knows the path you have for us in this life, in this city. I'm thankful for the blessings You've delivered, and anticipating the things this life has yet to show me.

Bring it on! I'm ready.

Cat's Cradle and other games

My daughter is intriqued by learning to play cat's cradle. So much so, that we've been searching for string/yarn all over the place. My guess is that other girls at her summer school program are playing it, and haven't taught her to play yet. Such a strange and sweet time for her to be totally interested in Barbies, riding her bike, riding her scooter, swimming, singing Disney song lyrics, and learning finger string figures. I don't remember the circumstances, but somehow I remember playing this game with my sister.

Since my daughter doesn't have a sister, her 'best friend' (for now) came to our apartment for their first sleep-over a couple of weeks ago. They both behaved very well, and aside from this friend leaving her swimsuit, a pair of shoes, a pair of shorts, and some hair ties...they played Barbies and watched a mermaid movie. It was some days after this sleep-over that she became interested in the string thing.

So, since I, too, struggled to remember how to play...we kept going around to the same loops again and again...I decided "Let's check the internet."
Here's what I found. So much fun...we may have to check out origami, too.

www.momsminivan.com
www.ifyoulovetoread.com
www.whimsical-workshop.mb.ca/index.html
www.darsie.net/string

What I did on my summer vacation...

Do you remember writing about summer vacation on the first day of school? Reflecting back on riding our bikes, climbing trees, shopping at the mall, lots of swimming, time with family, local festivals and parades... just where did the time go?

One fond memory from teen years (forgive me, I don't remember which year, possibly early 1980's) is watching Saturday Night Live (NBC), as they opened a fall season of comedy. I may have dreamed this, but I could have sworn this really happened. My memory is fading fast, so this is how I remember it. If any of you are SNL 1975-1985 fans, clue me in. Anyhow...That episode the "not ready for prime time players" showed a little video clip (as a skit) of what they did on their summer vacation. That's the summer that Dan Akroyd & John Belushi filmed "The Blues Brothers." Still one of my favorite movies.
"We're on a mission from God."

Anyhow...this summer has been so absolutely crazy, I'm sure any of you checking this blog are amazed to see anything new here. I was one of those prodding commenters who commented on some inactive blogs just to see if they'd post something new. Eventually they did, and I don't think these "friends" of mine actually read my blog...so I can write this. Ha.
But, it took my blogging friend, Erin, to show me that I had been very neglectful of this site. Thanks for reminding me that I AM a blogger. After all, that's one way we came to know about each other...by following the blogs of a group of people at our church (also my place of work.)
I may not comment as often, since I haven't been blogging myself...but I'll be trying to catch up on the summer posts, and you may see the occasional comment from a long-ago post. I apologize for my tardiness in reading your stuff. But, know that I still take interest.

I digress...
Summer vacation...not really a vacation, but it's been a weird break from blogging. So many things are in my head, that would make really great blog posts, I just haven't put them into writing yet. Hopefully, many of them will stay with me, and the creative juices will begin to flow as the temp drops and the leaves turn golden brown. It's shopping time, looking for athletic shoes, new jeans, notebooks, crayons, and glue sticks. It's funny that the school list also asks for things like post-it notes and dry-erase markers. Where will it end? At least I don't have to provide her with a lap-top computer for entering the second grade. Although, that may be a possiblity as my baby boy enters kindergarten in the fall of 2010. Who knows. I never would have thought 5 yrs ago that the price of gas would be where it is today.

So...after being completely wrapped up in work, family, extended family, the cost of living, getting back to health, finding a new daycare, etc. I have to say it has been somewhat memorable. I'll clue you into some of it later. For now, I'll say "Goodnight" and get back to rocking my little ones to sleep. Summer isn't over yet. I'm going to get back to enjoying it.
If you see another post here anytime soon, I'm having trouble sleeping. Otherwise, see you in a few weeks.

Can you sleep when the wind blows?

I don't know who wrote this, but it's one of those email stories that I got from my old college roommate. She's now living in Utah, and I'm still here in MN. Email can be a good way to keep in touch, or a way to send interesting stories...I thought I'd add it here, instead of pressing the inevitable "forward."

Enjoy...

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops. As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals. Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?" the farmer asked him."Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man. Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired him.

The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work. Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!"The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows." Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.

To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew. When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically, you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life?

The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he had secured the farm against the storm. We secure ourselves against the storms of life by grounding ourselves in the Word of God. We don't need to understand, we just need to hold His hand to have peace in the middle of storms.

I hope you enjoy your day and you sleep well.

She did it

After several refusals to remove the training wheels, she finally let me do it.
And...after she screamed and yelled at me up and down the street in front of Grandma's house in frustration and fear, she finally did it.
"Mom, you've got to help me! No, don't hang on...just help me. Let go! Let go! No!!!! Help me, I said!!!NO, don't hang on! I said help me!"

Finally she did it. My little girl learned to balance, hold her arms strong on the handle bars, and pedal her little legs out. Yes, she can finally ride a bike on her own, without it being a "four-wheeler."

I'm so proud of her.

Where have you been?

Hmmm…
Mother’s Day
Father’s Day
3 funerals in 4 weeks (2 work related, one work related, but also personal)
Sick baby (cold, then ear infection)
Sick me (cold, then sinus infection)
Daughter’s baseball schedule
Mother’s health – not good, but now improving
Interviewing new daycare – current provider sold her house.

I haven’t even had lunch with Julie in a couple of weeks. Today was the first in a long time.

Sorry, new posts will be coming soon. Thanks for checking on me every so often. You blog friends are the best.

Chuckling Chihuahua

"Mom, what's a Chihuahua?"

That's the question that comes from my 7-yr-old's lips from around the corner of her room.

"It's a dog, honey."

"A dog? A Chihuahua is a dog?"

"Yes, a Chihuahua is a dog. Why?"

"It's such a funny word......Chihuahua....Chihuahua....Chihuahua.....ha, ha, ha, ha, HA!
It's so funny...ha, ha, ha.
You know another funny word, mom?
"What honey?"

"Oklahoma!" "He, he, he, he, he, ha, ha, ha, ha......"

The last chuckles were from me. I just couldn't stop.
We went around saying "Chiuauah from Oklahoma" and laughing all afternoon."
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.....


Are you laughing yet?
:)

Two months

So...if there really is anyone still checking in...yes, I'm still here.

Let's see...so many blog posts have been in my head, and I just haven't gotten back to the computer to jot them down, so I may have a few coming full force in the near future...or not.
My daughter's baseball season is in high gear, with two games a week plus practices, and my husband is managing the team. They are both having a lot of fun, so we're busy cheering them on and manning the concession stand, or umpiring the other teams' games. So...if blog posts come or go, I'm still here.

Thanks for checking in and not giving up hope on me. I'm ready to re-engage in blogworld. Hope you're up for it.

What a bracket...

I did it. I caved into the fun of picking the NCAA men's college basketball finals, and posted them on CBS sportsline.com. I signed up with WCCO's evening team, so we'll see how I fare against Mark Rosen, Paul Douglas, Amelia Santaniello, and Don Shelby. It should be interesting.

I used the same picks for the office pool. First year for picking teams in the bracket. I'll keep you posted how I'm doing. For a gal who knows very little about these teams...we'll see how I do.

First round picks...Duke, UNC-Wilmington, Texas A&M, LSU, Southern Illinois, Iowa, NC State, Texas, Memphis, Bucknell, Pittburgh, Kansas, San Diego State, Gonzaga, Marquette, UCLA, Connecticut, Kentucky, Utah State, Air Force, George Mason, Murray State, Seton Hall, Winthrop, Villanova, Wisconsin, Nevada, Boston College, UW- Milwaukee, South Alabama, Georgetown, Ohio State.

More to come...

Sadness in the news

Such sad news these days with the passing of legendary Twins center-fielder Kirby Puckett and singer/actress Dana Reeve (wife of actor Christopher Reeve) yesterday. I am sad for their families, and I had even known Kirby's ex-wife, Tonya, from high school. She was a couple years older than I, but we performed in a 3-act play together in 1983. Kirby was such a role model for many, and his time here on earth was indeed full of life. Dana, too, will be missed as she joins her loving husband in paradise. I remember how sad I was after Christopher died, and how that family has definitely turned tragedy to triumph many times.

I work on the Care team at church, and part of my job is to handle funeral and memorial service planning with families, and coordinate details around the day. Now, the strange thing about working in the care department of a mega-church is that you would think we have funerals often. However, we have only had one small (40 person) memorial service in the past year. I returned back to work after maternity leave last year, and they had 3 funerals in the month of March last year. This year, we have heard of one attender who died this week, and another who slipped into a coma as she has been fighting lukemia for years. I'm certain we'd be able to handle anything that God brings, as He has a plan in all of this...but I find it interesting that He chooses the busiest season of Lent to bring us closer to touching the curtains of heaven like no other time in the year.

In talking about funerals with my mom, recently, she noted that she was going to add to her will that we not have a funeral. I was shocked! Mom, how can you think that? The funeral is never about the person who has died...it's all about the memories and mostly about the surviving family. It's about remembering the love and life that was lived. So you mean to tell me that you don't think any of my friends would want to be there for me if you die? So, don't you think your friends would want to be there for you if I died?
She paused, but really didn't get it. I think she was just really uncomfortable with the whole death thing, because she's not a believer in Christ, and because she's not had a lot of experience with death (neither have I.)
It really made me think deeper about what I know to be true about death, and eternal life in Heaven. It made me wonder how to explain that to her, and how my assurance of that is how I can live the way I do.

I'm sad to know that Rio, the MN Zoo's oldest dolphin just died today as well. For any of you that know me well, you know that I love dolphins, and have a zoo membership just to see the lovely Rio, DJ, Ayla, Semo, and Chinook. I was also heartbroken to hear that her baby, Harley, died just in January when he leaped out of the water and cracked his skull on the concrete slab.

Sadness, yes. But peace flows like a river.

Friendly e-mail banter

From: julie
Sent: Wednesday, March 01, 2006 1:55 PM
Subject: serviceu.
thanks for putting the registration in the same reservation as the room for the baptism prep class.

Reply from lalimama:
I usually try to. It's easier for me.

Reply from Julie:
exactly. i just wanted to be on the positive side of things with it since so few actually do it like they’re supposed to. so thanks!

Lalimama:
Okay, then. You're welcome.
What is this? Everybody's being so nice to me today. Another co-worker from across the building just sent me a kudos, too. Not that I'm complaining, it just seems a bit unusual to hear the positive. I should pass it forward, I suppose. Great way to start Lent.

Julie:
well, you deserve it everyday. sorry we’ve failed you.

Lalimama:
Sounds like a new blog post...huh?

Julie:
for you or me?

Lalimama:
me, of course.

Julie:
well, i thought it could be an apology blog. you know, i’ve failed, i’ve failed. oh, woe is me, i’ve failed. you know, all about me ;)

Lalimama:
Oh, you are so funny.

Julie:
thanks. :=) (that’s my big toothed grin… it just looks like a crooked nose.)

Lalimama:

There's just something very wrong with this...

As I was searching for some crucifix images for Lent, I came across the following ads...

"Is your mobile phone a testimony to the wondrousness of His grace? Well it should be. Let the world (or at least your train compartment) see Jesus, in all his flashing, multicoloured glory, with the crucifix phone cover."

The bobblehead Jesus banner ran across the top of this ad. C'mon I know you really want one...the bobblehead or the phone cover? Yea...me too...but I just couldn't bring myself to getting one, I was laughing way too hard. No, I'm not going to link it, you'll have to Google it yourself.

In response to the atheist

"They" talk about this line of thinking in that atheist site...but it still makes you wonder, doesn't it? Heard this one on Christian radio, and I just had to remember the cross. Thank you, Nichole, for making your lyrics available on your website to members.

What If (Nichole Nordeman)
For a friend who thinks this Jesus stuff is nuts.

What if you’re right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you’re right?
What if it’s true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it’s true?

What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That’s all you find?

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Than folklore that must be told and retold?

You’ve been running as fast as you can
You’ve been looking for a place you can land for so long
But what if you’re wrong?
©2005 Birdwing Music / Birdboy Songs (ASCAP), admin. by EMI CMG Publishing

Sharing some U2

Tonya posted this link over a week ago. I had to carry it over here for those that don't travel on my sidebar. If you're into Bono, the Edge and Eugene Peterson...check this out. Great interview.

Anticipation

Because the week started off with President's Day and Tuesday was a staff planning day in my daughter's school district, she spent two days and nights with my mom. What a lovely gift to have a little peace in our home, but I missed her terribly.

On Tuesday after work, baby boy and I waited for my husband to bring big sister home from grandma's house. When she arrived, she buzzed the security intercom of the apartment to be let in, and my little 13 month old and I waited patiently at the door of our apartment in anticipation of her return. This little boy was so patient, and stood very quietly watching the door to the stairs very carefully for what seemed like 2-3 minutes...in great anticipation of someone coming up the stairs. I would say "Who's coming to see us? Who could it be?" He looked at me with such wonder, such curiosity.

It was when she arrived through that door, and he burst into disappointed tears that I realized he wasn't waiting so patiently for her...but he was in great hopes that Grandma was going to appear and bring his sister home. He wasn't so excited to see his sister, but was really looking forward to seeing the one who always makes him smile, gives him big enthusiastic hugs, and feeds him yummy treats. You see, so many times when Grandma has come to visit in the past, she would buzz the intercom, and we would wait for her at the door to come up those same steps. I would say "Who's coming to see us? Who could it be?"

Eventually he got over it, and the two of them played well that evening. Sometimes it's nice to be wanted.

I shared the story with my mom tonight on the phone, and she laughed and wished she could have been there to see his face at that moment. Oh, the never ending wonder of my children's thoughts. It's amazing that he understands so much at this age.

Old photos

Gloria had a sweet post last week, and I just had to bring this one out. My brother found this picture in a box, and had scanned in some photos from childhood about two years ago. I thought I had lost most of my baby pictures, because Dad loved to get his photos printed into slides (as that was the way to go in the seventies.) So, we found a few, that are just too good to miss.

I'm the tall one. Yup, first born. Mom made all our clothes. Gotta love it.

New blog friend

My dear friend Lisa has joined the many here at OD who are blogging. Welcome, friend.

Why do I believe?

I found myself signing out of my blog this evening, and clicking on the Blogspot home page where it chooses a random blog...and voila...I found myself propelled into the world of an atheist.
So, here I am in the middle of the night, typing away at what I think may be the beginning of a bigger and deeper study of why I believe what I believe.

How can anyone simply either not believe in or believe that God (or any god for that matter) is non-existent? To me, it takes a whole lot more faith to believe that science and random electronic brain charges brought me to his blog in the first place, rather than the simple explanation that God is trying to tell me something...and I should pay attention. Now, I know it's not as simple as that, and there are many people out there who really don't care. This blog had me interested, but I haven't had time to read through all of what they have to say, and pull it apart for myself. My Christian world view seems to be diametrically opposed to their Secular Humanistic view of life on this planet, and I don't know enough about their viewpoint to comment intelligently, much less my own.

So, as I ponder why this man (and my extended family) is so resistant to the idea that God as Jesus is real, alive, and living within each of us...here's a little something to think about. Help me to see if I have guts enough to face the devil in his place here on earth.

Lord, give me the strength to go deeper with you, and to reach beyond Your Kingdom into the world of the unbelievers. I don't expect to argue philosophically with this person (I most likely won't even comment on his blog) but to take the website info and put it into perspective in my own life. Care to check it out? I'm curious about what you, my blogging friends have to say about it. The only way I can conquer this fear is to face it straight on...so onward I go. God help me. Philippians 4:13.

The smell of cake

Baby boy turned one this week...and we scrubbed and tidied up the apartment for the relatives to come over on Sunday. I guess I should find him another nickname for blog posting instead of "baby boy". Maybe little man, or??? suggestions?

He's taking a few steps, but tends to drop to the ground after 2-3 and crawls the rest of the way, but at least he's trying. And my favorite words that come from him are "duckityduke, dahdah, gutigik, and nainainai (no real meanings for any of these that we can decipher...but the last one I'm pretty sure comes from lots of No-no's he hears on a daily basis.) He's been climbing up onto the couch, the coffee table, and even INTO his large toy-box in a corner of the living room. It was quite a reality check for my husband when he saw this little one do it. Then, he sat in the toy box for about 15 minutes and just played with the things around him, so content. (My boy, not my husband.) Amazing!

Grandma B., Grandma C., Papa, aunties, uncles, and cousins alike trotted into our place for a couple of hours just to enjoy the musings of this one-year-old and see what he's doing. We opened a couple of gifts, we ate some treats, and the birthday boy got a face full of chocolate cake for the first time ever. At first, he was much more interested in the yellow flame on the candle atop the cake, but as he reached to grab it, came away with four fingers full of frosting. So interesting...it didn't go right into the mouth...but he looked at it, squished it with both hands, and then finally set it against his lips...only to smile gleefully and look for more.

The progression of the photos is darling, from sweet smile, to "Oh my! You really like that cake, don't you?" It was after I got him all washed up, changed his shirt, and was holding him as we said goodbye to everyone who came, that I kissed his cheek, and YES!!! it was there...the sweet smell of chocolate on his skin. Most likely it got into the hair, and I must have missed a spot...but I'm convinced someone should market a chocolate scented baby lotion...because it was so delicious, I'll remember that one for a while. Makes all the labor and sleepless nights this past year completely worthwhile.

Happy First Birthday, sweet boy. I love you.

Snowy sledding fun

The day was so perfect, and with sleds in tow, we trekked down the street to the neighborhood park...a low hill, and deep powder was all it took to see these darlings enjoying what being a kid is all about. But, a bit too much fresh air did-in the little one. He fell asleep on the walk home. Oh, to be able to enjoy the nature of life so much you pass out! Sounds like heaven to me.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Yesterday was my mom's birthday...and in recent years she has gotten smart about how we celebrate. For so many years, she hasn't wanted to celebrate in any way that cost a lot of money, or causes any of her three kids to go out of their way for her.

But, in the past couple of years, she has changed her mind. Each year, the two kids (my brother and myself) who are geographically closest to her, ask if we can take her out for dinner/lunch with the grandkids. We used to do this all as one large group. But, she's figured out that if we each take her out separately, she gets two meals and more social time out of the deal. Not bad.

 

Mom does so much for us. She makes a meal for me at least once per week...usually in the form of ..."Oh honey, I made some soup, and I was going to put it in the freezer, but as long as you're here, why don't you take it home."

She helps us out with laundry...because we live in an apartment, have a baby and my full-time working schedule...her help is immeasurable in this manner.

She picks up my daughter from school twice a week, and saves me lots of money in daycare when she watches her all day when there is no school...like MLK Jr. Day.  Not to mention the wonderful one-on-one time those girls get with each other.

 

So, yesterday my husband and I took her out for some good sushi, and a stroll around the mall with our kids. Not the usual birthday lunch, but something we all really enjoyed. There were no arguments, no temper tantrums, no sour faces...and the kids behaved well, too. After a round at the mall, we stopped for ice cream and then went home. It was really very nice to just be together. It was such a treat for all of us to celebrate her with love, food, and togetherness.

 

I love my mom...but I know sometimes it's hard to break through the mother-daughter judgmental stuff. I'm glad we can talk about things, but know that I take her words for what I can...and then I have to do things my own way. I live my life, in a very different way than she would have it...but I'm happy, and my life is very different than hers.

 

After leaving her country, her family, her home for the man she loved...she came to the USA with different expectations than she lives with today. Now divorced for 18 years, a US citizen, and retired from being self-employed, she is a different woman today. Her mantra is "Only you can make yourself happy." While I admire her strength of character and positive attitude...I have to admit I would change it just a bit. Although you decide your attitude, and choose to be happy, through a rich life and relationship with a loving God, you can feel a deeper sense of purpose on the planet, and have a meaningful life.

 

I pray for you on your birthday, Mom. That your happy life be touched by the maker of your soul. Happy birthday.