Today a dear friend of mine gave me a hand knitted prayer shawl. It was about a month ago that I mentioned to her that I didn't have one. I was giving one to a friend of mine on the occasion of her mother's memorial service. It's something we've been able to do as a church, simply because we have a lovely group of women who knit and crochet on the second Tuesday of every month in a prayerful setting and donate their handiwork to the church to give away as gifts of love to those who need or want a tangible reminder of God's warm embrace and unending love for them.
What a blessing several weeks ago as she brought in two different colors of blue yarn for me to choose from, and even last week as she asked what kind of edges I wanted on it. I left it up to her, as I really have simply felt honored that she would even do this for me. To pray for me and put her amazing handiwork to this soft (and warm) shawl, that is wrapped around me as I type this now.
The color is a deep royal blue with shades of teal mixed in. I don't remember what color she said was on the package of yarn, but to me it's the color of the sky as I look up to see clouds that remind me of a photographer friend who died last year. Or, the color of the ocean - as I have always loved the way that water speaks to me. I was born in CA which I seem to think has something to do with my love for the ocean and all marine life. Like being imersed in deep water, this shawl takes me deep within my soul to remember the One who gives me life, and breath, and blessings and all things.
I'm blessed by my friend who made this shawl, for her heart to think so much of me and work so hard on something so dear. I am blessed by the way she worked through a tough time in her own family - with parental health issues and travels to be near them, only to come home to officiate a funeral. She stands in the gap of honor by choice. I'm reminded of our choices we make that make differences in the lives of others. What courage to be a person of character, of honor, of love. She did this out of her desire to bless me in a place to recognize who I am in the larger picture of God's Kingdom. Although I work at a church, she chose to give this to me outside of working hours, so I am reminded that it's not about my job...but about who I am.
Why is it so hard for me, sometimes, to remember that God is loving me in the midst of my own failings and my own high expectations of myself? My family doesn't seem to notice the things I do to help them function on a daily basis. I struggle with not hollering at my kids or my husband as they do something that irritates me or nags at my self-righteousness. I don't love them as well as I think I should. I don't love them half as well as I know I can. It's easier to love my friends who blog and leave Facebook status updates...so I can comment to them by electronic words. It's hard to love by washing clothes, cleaning toilets, and raking leaves. It's hard to love by playing catch with my 4 yr old, and reading out loud to my 10 year old. That takes too much energy.
I'm exhausted, emotionally, physically, mentally...and I find that I don't know how to really rest.
And so...once again I find myself grateful for a sweet blue prayer shawl. For tonight, I pray not only for strangers in some brotherhood of military personnel...but I pray for my own family. I pray for my children, and their hearts to know Jesus. I pray for my husband, to find meaning and notice God's amazing love for him, as well. And, I sit peacefully in prayer - in the arms of my Heavenly Father - as He reminds me that it's not about what I do, but about who I am in Him that is love.
Sunday, November 8
Friday, May 1
Into the Waters
This piece was originally published in our church bi-monthly newspaper, summer of 2008.
Responding to Jesus’ desire that we be baptized.
By Julia Schirmers
The air was crisp that sunny Minnesota morning in July, as I was on my way to Fish Lake to set up for our church baptism service. I paused to reflect, What a glorious way to give your heart and life to Jesus – through an outdoor baptism – surrounded by the glory of creation. We set up the pavilion for the worship service, raked the beach to remove debris, posted signs along the way, and set out rosters, programs, and certificates for the sponsors to sign. Then, we waited. As the worship team set up, the candidates and their families arrived, dressed in swimsuits and t-shirts with towels in hand, ready to enter into the symbolism of what they had already done in their hearts as they prepared for this day.
Upon each baptism event, I reflect back on my own baptism experience as a believer in Christ, and the times I have witnessed and sponsored others. The memories are vivid, and touch me as a way of life. Many who have heard my story have heard me say how much I love witnessing baptisms – the simplicity of the event, the depth of the heart and conviction of the believer, and the way that it proclaims God’s grace and love for us in such a tangible way. It is not only a standard Christian sacrament – a covenant with God – but also a way of living. A mentor of mine says “baptism is a point and a journey.” It’s a day in the life of a believer, but it is also a step toward an eternal life of following Jesus and letting go of our own agenda.
I wasn’t raised in a Christian home, but my parents allowed my brother, sister, and me to attend church with our neighborhood friends. My father was raised in the Roman Catholic tradition, but didn’t share any faith with us. My mother was raised in Japan, where eastern religion teachings left her disillusioned and uncertain of any god. My life was “normal” by societal standards, and I wasn’t really looking for God. I attended Sunday school a couple of times with a friend in second or third grade, and somehow, God found me. Through a gentle, elderly teacher, I experienced the love and acceptance of Jesus. She didn’t place judgment on the fact that my family didn’t own a Bible, or that I had never seen scripture before. But she asked if I could read, and she handed me a small slip of paper with a scripture verse on it. I don’t remember the verse, but I do remember how I felt that day…the day that Jesus captured my heart. I felt accepted, honored, and beloved.
I continued on my journey, somehow always knowing in my heart that Jesus was mine, and I was His. As we moved to the suburbs, I continued to be attracted to people who went to church. In junior high, I regularly attended a Lutheran church with our neighbors and entered into a youth group that offered more than just catechism and social time.
I felt a strong need to be baptized, to publicly declare my desire to follow
Jesus. Once I felt I could comprehend the complete forgiveness of sins, I urged the pastor to baptize me. The pastor and I met and talked about sin, and how baptism isn’t magic but carries with it the deep spiritual unknown that unifies us with Christ in his death, burial, and resurrection through the public profession of our faith. He also said that confirmation was about “confirming the baptism chosen for us by our parents. It’s your own chance to step forward publicly and declare Jesus as Savior.” My parents hadn’t chosen infant baptism for me. I wasn’t feeling good about stepping forward with my peers, just like I was “supposed to” do. I urged him once more to baptize me individually, because I was compelled by Christ’s command to be baptized, and to baptize others in His name. My parents and family attended my baptism in that suburban Lutheran church, and I became a new person in Christ.
Jesus. Once I felt I could comprehend the complete forgiveness of sins, I urged the pastor to baptize me. The pastor and I met and talked about sin, and how baptism isn’t magic but carries with it the deep spiritual unknown that unifies us with Christ in his death, burial, and resurrection through the public profession of our faith. He also said that confirmation was about “confirming the baptism chosen for us by our parents. It’s your own chance to step forward publicly and declare Jesus as Savior.” My parents hadn’t chosen infant baptism for me. I wasn’t feeling good about stepping forward with my peers, just like I was “supposed to” do. I urged him once more to baptize me individually, because I was compelled by Christ’s command to be baptized, and to baptize others in His name. My parents and family attended my baptism in that suburban Lutheran church, and I became a new person in Christ.
Because I am human, I didn’t always follow in His ways. I found myself making poor choices as a teenager and young adult, and yet I still claimed to be a believer. I witnessed some close friends get married, and they chose to be baptized through immersion before their wedding. Their testimony of faith and desire to follow Jesus reminded me of my own baptism, and I rededicated my life to Christ.
But I must continually choose to live apart from my old ways, apart from the ways that cause sin and pain. One of Open Door’s core beliefs says about baptism: “We must choose daily to walk in the life and pattern of Christ rather than in our own strength and desires.”
When I was hired to work at Open Door, I had the privilege of covering administrative details for baptisms. Through circumstances only God could orchestrate, I was able to sponsor a candidate for baptism that Easter, to share my story as well as travel through the preparation process with another soul who longs to pursue the ways of Christ. That candidate and I have remained friends, although our lives carry us away from each other in day-to-day living.
In 2007, my eight-year-old daughter was at a place in her life where she felt a true desire to follow Christ, and she wanted to get baptized. I really wasn’t sure if she was ready, and I poked and prodded her for “the right answer” for several months, because I didn’t want her to make this decision lightly. Was there a right answer, or was it simply that she came to Him with an innocent heart, the faith of a child? Maybe she wanted to declare publicly that her life now belonged to Christ. After a conversation with Pastor Wendy, her dad and I asked her to choose a sponsor, someone who would teach her and help her grow in her faith. We suggested teachers,
friends from church, and family, but I was surprised and delighted when she chose me.
friends from church, and family, but I was surprised and delighted when she chose me.
I walked alongside her during Holy Week 2007, and was honored to enter the water to renew my own declaration of faith as well as usher her into this symbol of death to life. She entered the water my daughter and also my sister in Christ. Her faith story is her own, and what a blessing it was for me and my story, to witness and be a part of this time in her life. We walk out our faith together as a family, and as individuals who are deeply and richly loved by Jesus.
A worshipful melody sends us out to the beach, and a circle of believers forms in the water. As each candidate comes forward to be baptized, the sun shines warm. The water is cool and refreshing, and cameras are clicking, trying to capture what will be a symbolic point in these believers’ lives…not only a memory for today, but a life to walk in for eternity.
Tuesday, April 7
The Dignity to Give and Receive
Another note from one of my mentors, Henri Nouwen, is below.
I'm learning much about myself as I examine my own responses to those I come into contact with - or actually avoid - who are homeless, holding signs that say "Hungry & Homeless" and who don't have the material things I have. I'm moving towards them, and excited to get behind movies like "The Soloist" and websites like Takepart.com. I've always had a strong internal response about handing out money to those with signs on the side of the road, and it's mostly been "if I give him money, he'll just use it on liquor or drugs or something else." But, with some tools, there are other things I can do - and not necessarily monitarily - to engage in, react positively to, and actually help give dignity to those who are on hard times.
The Dignity to Give and Receive - Henri Nouwen
"Nobody is so poor that he/she has nothing to give, and nobody is so rich that he/she has nothing to receive."
These words by Pope John-Paul II, offer a powerful direction for all who want to work for peace. No peace is thinkable as long as the world remains divided into two groups: those who give and those who receive. Real human dignity is found in giving as well as receiving. This is true not only for individuals but for nations, cultures, and religious communities as well.
A true vision of peace sees a continuous mutuality between giving and receiving. Let's never give anything without asking ourselves what we are receiving from those to whom we give, and let's never receive anything without asking what we have to give to those from whom we receive.
I'm learning much about myself as I examine my own responses to those I come into contact with - or actually avoid - who are homeless, holding signs that say "Hungry & Homeless" and who don't have the material things I have. I'm moving towards them, and excited to get behind movies like "The Soloist" and websites like Takepart.com. I've always had a strong internal response about handing out money to those with signs on the side of the road, and it's mostly been "if I give him money, he'll just use it on liquor or drugs or something else." But, with some tools, there are other things I can do - and not necessarily monitarily - to engage in, react positively to, and actually help give dignity to those who are on hard times.
The Dignity to Give and Receive - Henri Nouwen
"Nobody is so poor that he/she has nothing to give, and nobody is so rich that he/she has nothing to receive."
These words by Pope John-Paul II, offer a powerful direction for all who want to work for peace. No peace is thinkable as long as the world remains divided into two groups: those who give and those who receive. Real human dignity is found in giving as well as receiving. This is true not only for individuals but for nations, cultures, and religious communities as well.
A true vision of peace sees a continuous mutuality between giving and receiving. Let's never give anything without asking ourselves what we are receiving from those to whom we give, and let's never receive anything without asking what we have to give to those from whom we receive.
Saturday, April 4
Sad news from MN Zoo
http://www.mnzoo.org/animals/discovery_bay/dolphin_blog.asp
Baby dolphin calf had been eagerly awaited for 12 months. Sadly, she didn't make it. Momma dolphin seems to be doing okay for now. Attempts to breed this species in a zoo will continue, to help populations in the wild through education efforts.
Baby dolphin calf had been eagerly awaited for 12 months. Sadly, she didn't make it. Momma dolphin seems to be doing okay for now. Attempts to breed this species in a zoo will continue, to help populations in the wild through education efforts.
Friday, March 27
Living Faithfully in an Ambiguous World
A note from Henri Nouwen Society's Daily Meditations 3.27.09
Our hearts and minds desire clarity. We like to have a clear picture of a situation, a clear view of how things fit together, and clear insight into our own and the world's problems. But just as in nature colors and shapes mingle without clear-cut distinctions, human life doesn't offer the clarity we are looking for. The borders between love and hate, evil and good, beauty and ugliness, heroism and cowardice, care and neglect, guilt and blamelessness are mostly vague, ambiguous, and hard to discern.
It is not easy to live faithfully in a world full of ambiguities. We have to learn to make wise choices without needing to be entirely sure.
Our hearts and minds desire clarity. We like to have a clear picture of a situation, a clear view of how things fit together, and clear insight into our own and the world's problems. But just as in nature colors and shapes mingle without clear-cut distinctions, human life doesn't offer the clarity we are looking for. The borders between love and hate, evil and good, beauty and ugliness, heroism and cowardice, care and neglect, guilt and blamelessness are mostly vague, ambiguous, and hard to discern.
It is not easy to live faithfully in a world full of ambiguities. We have to learn to make wise choices without needing to be entirely sure.
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