Enough Light for the Next Step, by Henri Nouwen

This was in my inbox this moring...

"Often we want to be able to see into the future. We say, "How will next year be for me? Where will I be five or ten years from now?" There are no answers to these questions.

Mostly we have just enough light to see the next step: what we have to do in the coming hour or the following day. The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain about what remains in the dark. When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go. Let's rejoice in the little light we carry and not ask for the great beam that would take all shadows away."

I'm beginning to think that those who choose the daily meditation at Henri Nouwen.org are reading my thoughts - or more that the universe is speaking to me in circles again. "The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain about what remains in the dark." Hmmmm...art of living, what does that mean to me? Is living my life an expression of art? Am I trying too hard to see what's intentionally left in the dark?
So many questions keep running in my head. Make it stop!

Living the Moment to the Fullest, by Henri Nouwen

"Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand." - Henri Nouwen

Truer words were never so hard to swallow.
 

"Resting when exhausted was never even a possibility. Resting when exhausted is now a possibility." - Sue Bender.

 
Lord, help me to live in the moment with You, and to rest and not push forward twice as hard.

Circles of Discernment

As I have felt like I'm driving in fog - I also am reminded to live in the light. After all, that's the name of this blog. I've been looking for a lighted sign to signal me in a direction that currently is unknown to me. I am blinded by the lack of light in my path. But, how is that possible if Jesus is right beside me as the Light of the World? I changed the verse at the top of my blog this week. A little better reality of what I think this blog is.

God speaks to me in circles. I think I mentioned that in my last post. I listen in circles. As an extrovert, I process much outside of my head - out loud with others, by writing, whatever...and when I hear myself say something or am reminded about a different conversation that happened recently and notice a similar metaphor, similar tone, similar circumstance...I find myself completing the circle and considering that idea to be a word from God himself.
So, my last post was about driving in a fog, and that metaphor is going crazy for me the past couple of days.

In fact, just checking in with co-workers over lunch yesterday two different people, in different conversations, commented about driving in the poor weather conditions over the hoiday break. Like driving in blinding snowstorm, and  having to pull over several times to rest, stretch, go to the bathroom, whatever. So, I'm listening! My layers of circles are coming around again. Do I need to pull over and stop for a while instead of continuing on in a fog, or snow or whatever? Then, I read an article that helps me put more words to my metaphor. http://www.explorefaith.org/lifeissues/finding_my_way/discernment/parting_the_clouds.php

And over and over again in my searching for a light - I am hearing again. I'm not as lost as I thought I was. I'm just in need of a rest, and totally in need of being a bit more patient with God, to help me with whatever He has for me.
Renee Miller also authored another article about new beginnings on explorefaith.org that is helping to put words to what I'm experiencing.

"In so many sacred stories where people are changing, there is a period of waiting—a space that spans the old and the new. A space that makes it possible to fully let go of the past in order to be single-mindedly ready for the future.


Consider the Israelites, for example, who wandered in a wasteland for forty years before beginning their new life in the Promised Land. Or Jesus, who spent 40 days in the wilderness before taking up his ministry. These periods of waiting can seem annoying or even onerous and difficult, but they are actually a gift that will help prepare us to move into a new beginning with fullness and joy."

That's it! It's terribly annoying! It's terribly uncomfortable. I thought I was going crazy!

A friend mentioned that now might be a good time for me to get a personal spiritual director. A spiritual coach per say. I will consider it, but not sure if these circles of discernement aren't helping me with some of that for now. The fact that I'm one who processes outside my head leads me to believe that God knew exactly what He was doing when He made me who I am. This road to self discovery, this road to the unknown is finding myself in circles.
Author, Sue Bender, says something intriguing to me about circles in her book: Stretching Lessons.
http://books.google.com/books?id=QaLLObnsX7MC&pg=PA93&lpg=PA93&dq=sue+bender,+circles&source=bl&ots=-N5IqxAr57&sig=BEjDNK8aFAbPv58yYhFxkPIgjxY&hl=en&ei=0xRFS8eHIou2M42w2fEB&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CAoQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=&f=false

Circles, huh? Buddhism, Japanese calligraphy and all that jazz. My heritage is Japanese. My life with Jesus is wonderful, and would he open up some new thoughts in this world so I can more fully understand the character of God? Perspective, patience, and willingness to be helpless. That's what I say, he brings us to our knees so we remember dependence upon Him is necessary for growth.

Oh God, how I love that you love me!