Balancing act

December has come, and the snow is here as well. The snow should be rain, to hide the tears that just keep coming. Jan will be leaving soon, my friend, my boss, my pastor, my teacher, fellow mother, fellow woman, fellow believer and follower of Christ...and so much more. She has chosen a new path to follow, and I will miss her terribly. She's been around to celebrate the birth of both of my children, to guide me in our ministry of pre-married couples, to listen to my thoughts, to hire me to my current job, to grieve the goings of other work companions, to vision new ways of doing church, to encourage me to start a blog...

We hosted a beautiful communion celebration service for her and her husband last Saturday night, and I kept my emotions together rather well. Most likely because there was so many details to watch for, and so many wonderful volunteers to steer. Friends keep asking how I'm doing, and I say "I'm really good at stuffing my feelings." But, Sunday morning was another matter. I was so terribly angry at my husband for getting up late, because we were running very late for church. I hate being late...although that seems to be something I'm really struggling with a lot lately. I just got so frustrated and angry with him (because I had to blame somebody) that the dam broke...and the floodgates opened wide...first anger, then sadness, then exhaustion. I just couldn't stuff it any more. I must have been PMSing...but the emotions came with other good reasons. Hubby was so sweet to me, and he apologized (although it was my fault as well) and took the kids out of my room for a while so I could cool down. He did everything right (and that's not often.) I just have to say, Thank You, for finally understanding what stuff I've been carrying for so long now.

I wrote my Christmas letter tonight. We'll put it with the pictures of the kids by our little Christmas tree, and it may go out closer to New Year's. But, the thing I keep thinking about as I reflect upon the year in review...is balance. How I feel when I'm out of balance, how well things go when we are all in balance. It's been a year of checking the balance in my finances, checking the balance between work and home, checking the balance in my marriage, checking the balance in my health, my job, my relationship with my kids. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a teeter-totter...othertimes like a tightrope. Either way, it's been about balance.

Praying tonight for more balance, and less weirdness in my life. Will it settle down soon? Okay, I'm waiting...as long as I don't tip completely over. Fragile emotions...but again, bringing me ever so dependent on God. I know He is good, and He will take care of me. Jan put it in her blog on Monday...Do not Fear. I will wait some more.