Hurt feelings

My sister is visiting from Seattle this weekend, and she's staying with my brother and his family. I love my sister and brother very much, but we are not close. We don't talk very often, not even by phone or text. This past week we have had extended family in town to visit, and that has brought my sister to visit for the second time in 11 years. The previous time was just three years ago.


A week or two before my sister arrived, she called to say she had a full agenda of things to do, "because mom won't do anything to entertain [our family] so we have to...and I have some things that I want to do while I'm in town, and I don't care if anyone else wants to come with me or not, but these are the things I want to do." Okay...now the rest of this is my paraphrase...but this is how I heard the incredibly long monologue..."on Thursday I'll stop at the store on my way from the airport and get some groceries, and we can have a barbeque at mom's house with everyone. Then, on Friday I'm going to the Mall of America, and anyone can come with or not. Then on Friday night we should take mom out to someplace where there is live music that she would like so we can all be together, do you think there is anyplace like that with music that she will like and everyone can come - but they don't have to - and then Saturday [my brother] and I are going up to see Dad for the day and you guys can come with, I know Dad would like that. Then, Saturday night I thought we'd make homemade sushi, so can you find a place to get some fresh fish so we can do that? Then, Sunday I'm going home in the afternoon so we can visit a little then."

Wow...even just writing that winded me. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. She just completely overwhelmed me with her agenda, and no concern for the plans that anyone else may have had - or the fact that I have little kids and some things are not family friendly - so I'd have to pay for a babysitter to watch my kids.

She is the middle child, I the oldest, and my brother the last. They say that birth order has a lot to do with personality, and I can see that in many cases, but I also believe that people can change and become and grow into the true person that they were originally meant to be. I believe that I have changed a lot in the past 25 years since I graduated from high school, and that my years in college, in the working world, and as a wife and mother has changed who I am and how I relate to people. I also believe that my faith in Christ has changed how I see the world and that I try to be much more gentle and kind to those around me. However...somehow I didn't feel so kind and gentle to her or my family last evening.

http://www.incourage.me/2010/07/say_what.html
This article is from a blog I follow that pretty much says what I've been feeling. I feel like I've stuck my foot in my mouth, but mostly because I've felt like the person I think I am now is not who my siblings think I am.  Again, we aren't close. And, it's been rather difficult to get to know each other on a deeper one-on-one level mostly because of distance and busyness of our lives. My feelings were hurt by a perception that my sister voiced to me last night...assuming that I believed the same thing about myself. But, I don't see myself as any better, smarter, prettier, or "the favorite"..as she seems to think. I felt like all of those things were a bad thing by the way she made the comment. I was a scholar and good student in high school. That doesn't necessarily make me more intelligent than other siblings just because that's who she remembers me to be 25 years ago. In fact, I took it as an insult. That one perception is all that she sees, and doesn't care to know who I am today. Ouch...I hope I don't treat others that way. I also hope that she sees and can someday realize how each of us is gifted and talented in our own way, and that God has created each of us to be uniquely different.

Lord, be with me today, and teach me the words to say that will uplift and heal, not tear down and hurt.

Beautiful

I lost a dear friend two weeks ago to a nasty disease that eats away at flesh, bones, blood, mind, and conscience. Today would have marked her 44th birthday. I am so saddened by the madness that is what remains now. But, I am also keenly aware of how she has affected me these past two growing seasons. You see, Michele was a gardener. It's one thing we had in common, besides a faith in God, loving friends who know how to share a salad, and a love for all things beautiful. She was my inspiration for veggie gardening, for working in the perennials, and for getting out and weeding as often as I could.

Michele worked on staff with us at church, and walked through a very painful time of grief with all of us as we mourned the tragic death of another friend and coworker almost two years ago. She worked as facilities personnel, the only gal on a huge team of men who take care of the building and grounds of our church. She cleaned bathrooms, planted perennials, and lead the team that decorated for Christmas, Easter, and other special holidays. Along with her life partner, her husband Terry, they made an amazing team. The intense love they have for each other will never die. He journeyed the short road of life with her as they brought three amazing kids into the world and ushered them into adulthood. They did so much of everything together, and walked through cancer surgery, treatments, and pain management as well. This past year has been very tough, and the pain management was just about all they could do. She was not ready for hospice, she was not ready for not being at church. I last saw her in person a couple weeks ago at church, and she looked tired, slightly hunched over from the cancer in the bones of her back and hips, and no longer had the beautiful brunette mane she carried so wistfully with the amazing genuine smile. She was beginning to feel the effects of the end, but we didn't know that then.

Her life on earth is over, but her life lives on in the memories of those who loved her, her children, her husband, her parents and siblings, and her friends. Michele's gift of hospitality, her gift for leaving beauty in her wake is a gift she leaves for all of us. Her quiet gentle spirit had just enough spunk in her to say the most out of character kinds of things...and to make others smile.  I miss you, Michele.

Happy Freedom Day, America

I love Independence Day, Freedom Day, America's birthday...July 4, 1776. What a great anniversary to celebrate annually with fireworks, barbecue and friends and family.
I also care deeply for the military families in America - the sacrifice they make in sending their family members across the globe in the name of Freedom. Thank you!

I hope you get to enjoy your freedom today, as I am doing right in the middle of my two week vacation from work. It's not been much of a vacation...in fact we're refinishing the deck on our American dream. But, feeling grateful that we get to own a home, live in this great country - despite it's crazy dysfunctional politics and systems, and publicly share my thoughts, feelings, and religious transformation on the internet anytime I want to.

Enjoy the day...and look for your moments in light in the fireworks tonight. I'll be there.