My sister is visiting from Seattle this weekend, and she's staying with my brother and his family. I love my sister and brother very much, but we are not close. We don't talk very often, not even by phone or text. This past week we have had extended family in town to visit, and that has brought my sister to visit for the second time in 11 years. The previous time was just three years ago.
A week or two before my sister arrived, she called to say she had a full agenda of things to do, "because mom won't do anything to entertain [our family] so we have to...and I have some things that I want to do while I'm in town, and I don't care if anyone else wants to come with me or not, but these are the things I want to do." Okay...now the rest of this is my paraphrase...but this is how I heard the incredibly long monologue..."on Thursday I'll stop at the store on my way from the airport and get some groceries, and we can have a barbeque at mom's house with everyone. Then, on Friday I'm going to the Mall of America, and anyone can come with or not. Then on Friday night we should take mom out to someplace where there is live music that she would like so we can all be together, do you think there is anyplace like that with music that she will like and everyone can come - but they don't have to - and then Saturday [my brother] and I are going up to see Dad for the day and you guys can come with, I know Dad would like that. Then, Saturday night I thought we'd make homemade sushi, so can you find a place to get some fresh fish so we can do that? Then, Sunday I'm going home in the afternoon so we can visit a little then."
Wow...even just writing that winded me. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. She just completely overwhelmed me with her agenda, and no concern for the plans that anyone else may have had - or the fact that I have little kids and some things are not family friendly - so I'd have to pay for a babysitter to watch my kids.
She is the middle child, I the oldest, and my brother the last. They say that birth order has a lot to do with personality, and I can see that in many cases, but I also believe that people can change and become and grow into the true person that they were originally meant to be. I believe that I have changed a lot in the past 25 years since I graduated from high school, and that my years in college, in the working world, and as a wife and mother has changed who I am and how I relate to people. I also believe that my faith in Christ has changed how I see the world and that I try to be much more gentle and kind to those around me. However...somehow I didn't feel so kind and gentle to her or my family last evening.
http://www.incourage.me/2010/07/say_what.html
This article is from a blog I follow that pretty much says what I've been feeling. I feel like I've stuck my foot in my mouth, but mostly because I've felt like the person I think I am now is not who my siblings think I am. Again, we aren't close. And, it's been rather difficult to get to know each other on a deeper one-on-one level mostly because of distance and busyness of our lives. My feelings were hurt by a perception that my sister voiced to me last night...assuming that I believed the same thing about myself. But, I don't see myself as any better, smarter, prettier, or "the favorite"..as she seems to think. I felt like all of those things were a bad thing by the way she made the comment. I was a scholar and good student in high school. That doesn't necessarily make me more intelligent than other siblings just because that's who she remembers me to be 25 years ago. In fact, I took it as an insult. That one perception is all that she sees, and doesn't care to know who I am today. Ouch...I hope I don't treat others that way. I also hope that she sees and can someday realize how each of us is gifted and talented in our own way, and that God has created each of us to be uniquely different.
Lord, be with me today, and teach me the words to say that will uplift and heal, not tear down and hurt.
No comments:
Post a Comment