It feels like the wind is changing. Imagine walking on the shore of a great wide expanse. The wind is shifting...it smells fresh, new, and a little salty on your face. Right now it's a light breeze...but is there a fierce wind behind it? What is that still small voice in the stillness saying? It's been still and stale for a long time now - several months. I've been hoping for a breath of fresh air. Is this it? What is shifting?
Walking on the shore - noticing the wind, the birds, the sunshine, the clouds, the trees swaying in the midst of whatever forces them to and fro. What is this place? I don't recognize it, but it feels familiar - like it's meant for me. Not comfortable, but worthwhile. Not passive, but peaceful. Cared for, but also care free.
Is the tide coming in, or is this a tsunami? What if my feet get wet? Then what? Am I willing to let the wave of whatever this is take me under? Am I willing to let it grab hold of me, and pull me down like an undercurrent and am I willing to die to whatever I was before, and learn to breath under water? When this wave comes into the shore - it brings much with it. Am I willing to get wet, or stay safe and dry? What if it's not a tsunami, but just another rising tide - that only comes waist deep? Is it enough to knock me off my feet? Am I willing to let it come over me, or do I need to jump into it? When it has completely overwhelmed me, what will it look like when it goes out to sea? Will I stand on the shore all wet, or will I be swept out with it and dance and swim with the creatures of another world?
I'm blowing the doors off the walls and the box that I've lived within. I've set up a definition of who I am, by trying to find out more about who I am. And, what if that's not who I am going to be forever? What if I am being called to something far greater than I could ever imagine?
It started with a wondering, about a vocation, about something different. Playing on what I really love, time with my husband, great music, great food, creating space for people to experience relationship and themselves. What does it take to open a restaurant? What would it look like if we took our children out of school and moved across the globe and began a mission in another country? What would it be if I took a new job with travel opportunities, and was able to take my family with me to another world?
I had a dream last summer about a huge plate of vegetables - and that my life was so very plentiful that I wanted to give it all away. What if those vegetables weren't vegetables at all? What if they were gifts from God? And...what if they weren't my gifts? What if I was helping others to give away their gifts to others? What would that look like?
I don't blog for you, dear reader. I blog for myself. For words as I process things outside my own head. I blog for reasons that I believe Jesus is bringing new life to me. I can still only see the steps right in front of me...but I see an amazing vista. And, I wonder - out loud most times. What would it look like from that other peak over there? What about from that shore to the left, from that tree to the right, from a small boat in the middle of the ocean? Can I see the forest from where I am? Looking at the trees right next to me, I don't know if I'm even looking at a forest, or just a grove of trees. Perhaps it's just a guideline - a boundary - for a new land way beyond my dreams. Boy, these are pretty trees. What do they do? How did they get here? Who lives here? Am I looking at too many details that I can't see the big picture?
My desire is to breath in and feel the shift in the wind. Then, to rest a while in the freshness of that breeze...and gather enough strength...and allow it to totally take my breath away.
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