Metaphor for my life - my full plate.

Does the dessert plate still look and taste good even if you're dinner plate is too full - and you're still chewing on the meal? I tell my kids they don't get to have dessert if they don't finish their main meal. I remember when I was a little kid my dad telling me that there were starving children in other countries and I should be grateful for the food on my plate. I am reminded of that fact every day - watching images from my friend's mission trip to Haiti as he sends them back to us via his iPhone.


I ran into a friend at church on Sunday and mentioned a little of what I'm hoping for this summer. She said - "Oh I get it...this is the dessert plate!" I loved that thought. What am I thinking? Picking up a dessert plate in the middle of a meal? But, the metaphor is getting bigger by the minute.

I'm totally engaged with my work right now - without much room for moving around in it. That's only the main course on my plate. I feel like I'm carrying the pack mule -instead of the other way around. Not quite sure why...but deadlines are fast approaching and my intense focus is required to stay into any one project of the 5 or 6 things I feel I'm carrying...that I'm unable to multitask as I often do. I'm used to dropping things here and there - but able to pick them back up again at any moment to complete and follow through. Lately, I am dropping things...and forgetting about picking them up, and that's not good. People around me have needed to remind me about unfinished projects. Ugh! I need help knowing which balls are rubber balls that will bounce, and which ones are glass and will break. I don't want to break glass balls, whatever...and yet, that's what I feel I may be doing. Not intentionally...but the fear of doing just that is causing nervousness and tension. I constantly think about what the future will hold - what does my schedule for tomorrow look like? What will I do on vacation next week? What will I feed the kids for breakfast? For dinner? etc. I hate living in the future - because I'm missing out on the present moment.

My family feels like a glass ball. It's the veggies on my plate. Something I enjoy, fresh and colorful, but also something that I have to do because it's good for me. Tonight, I got terribly angry at my 5-yr-old son. I turned on the outdoor hose to fill a watering can and as I went around to water the plants - my son grabbed the hose and sprayed his sister. I said "put it down." and he obediently obliged. I then proceeded to the front of the house to water the rest of the plants - and he picked up the hose once again and this time sprayed the house (windows I had just cleaned this weekend) and the porch where my work laptop was sitting plugged into an outdoor outlet. I got so angry - I went right up to him, grabbed the hose and sprayed him top to bottom with water. His clothes now soaking wet, we marched into the house  - into the bathtub - kicking and screaming that he was cold. I got him into the tub with some firm words...and a dirty look from my husband. I was hoping the water would send a message. He obviously sent one to me! Play mom! Don't worry about things, mom! I'm a boy, and I just want to have a little fun! But, I was so wrapped up in the thought of the future house guests we're expecting this weekend, and how I need to redo the work of cleaning the windows - that it was just enough to send me reeling! I had no patience - I had to calm or freedom to enjoy the moment with him. I was a slave to my own fears, my adult brain - the one that plans in advance and must be in control.

Next are the staples on my plate  - the potatoes, rice, bread...the fiber and whole grains that give essential nutrients and life for the long haul. This is part of my God-given gift of mercy, compassion, intercession and relationship. I have a friend lying in ICU tonight. I'm afraid we're losing her to the nasty cancer that had invaded her body several years ago and has returned in the past week. Also, one of my long-time prayer warriors died last week. Pat was a dear woman, who asked for a staff directory so she could pray and meditate on the names of those who lead her church. She was a sweet little white-haired gal who was baptized in the lake one summer at the age of 74. She had an amazing story of life and love...and although I didn't know her intimately, I will miss her. This weekend also marks the two year anniversary of the death of my friend, Julie; whose tragic death on the Temperance River was a story of bravery, and innocence. She was my lunch buddy, my dear friend who befriended everyone she met and made them feel like the most important person in the whole world. She was an amazing friend. I miss her terribly. My heart aches for these women tonight. I can hardly stand it. But, it's this burden I carry to the cross - to let Jesus hold these women in His arms...so I can simply intercede for the one who is still here, that her heart be comforted, and her body be healed - if even after this life. My heart feels like it's damaged. I need to be healed - as only Jesus can do.

So...anything extra I want to do this summer - like helping out a friend with his business - feels like a fun project...a dessert plate. Perhaps some minimal nutritional value - but definitely something for the soul! Something not on my current plate - something chocolaty and decadent. Hmmm...eat dessert first? Not terribly responsible or "right" but definitely a thought for what I want. But...what do I do with all the other stuff on my plate? Can I get through the stuff on my current plate in time to still eat dessert? What if I take less of the stuff on my main plate - would that help? What if I move some of it to another plate - or save some for another meal time? Should I still eat the dessert? What if I eat all of my main meal and then I'm just too full that the dessert doesn't even taste good anymore? Will I be able to save it for another treat time?

Lord, I am asking for your help as you guide me. I no longer feel your presence, but my mind and your word tells me you're still here. I will continue to seek you until I can see, hear or feel you near me. I find myself wrapped up in a future I have no control over and know nothing about. I speculate and plan, wonder and imagine, guess and maneuver - and need some real reminders to stay present to the stuff around me, the day to day life of being a wife, mother, worker, and friend. Help me to stay grounded in your word, your example of living in God's love, and to stay in the here and now. I need you, Jesus, please be near me.