Cautiously responding

Recently, I find myself second guessing how others feel about me and how they perceive my intentions. Here's an example.

I have some friends who have said they really need an administrative assistant, and that's something I'm really good at. Now, I'm not ready to leave my full time job that is a really good fit for me right now. But...I am excited about being able to help others out with details that come easily to me. I have many gifted artists who tell me they would give anything to be more detailed, and I tend to surround myself with both people and task driven people. I am resourceful, I am detailed, and I care for my friends in a unique way.

I am currently trying to contract out my services - sort of on a consulting basis. So...I create a simple spreadsheet, or I establish a template job description for a friend's business, and I get to do what I do best. But, I'm afraid that by volunteering to help, or by assuming they don't already have something like this, that I'm jumping to conclusions, and they could be bothered by how forward I am coming across.

My husband tells me that it's not forward, it's just being helpful. He also says that if they are friends, it's okay to test the waters and see if what I have is indeed helpful to them. Who knows if this may lead to opportunities to expand and diversify my talents.

I do not like to assume that people like me, or that they want to spend time with me...especially if it's someone that is really busy - and they have a very full plate. I don't want to get in the way of how others need to work in their business, because it's their business after all. I do want to be helpful, but tend to be bashful and humbled by any attention I am given in regards to how I like to help. But, this carefulness seems to be getting in the way of real relationships that can be helpful to both my friends and myself. I think I need to check my baggage at the door, and step more boldly into these relationships. I just don't know what it will take to be more confident of not only my abilities, but of my character as well.

My spiritual director emailed me the other day. Said she was thinking of me as she read these words, and that God is already at work, even before we begin our monthly group sessions together.  It read:
                       May you respond to the call of your gift and find the courage to follow its path!
So...I wonder, what gift? Or...should I say which gift? When will this path become clear? 

At first response, I smiled and laughed...and then the words sunk in deep like it was speaking to something deeper in my soul. The tears began to stream down, and it felt like I was being directly spoken to by God. 

If you know me recently, you also know that I've been in a strange place of discovery. I'm intrigued by the way I feel God has spoken to me in the past, and how I'm experiencing His voice very differently now. I wonder how it feels to really step into my giftings - and if this is how I am to answer the call. I don't even know that's what this is, but it feels like it is. 

Learning to trust my own gut instinct, and the knowledge that is in my head...that is something new. Something I have been too careful about, and so in my caution, I think I have missed some opportunities. 

Here's to stepping out boldly - taking some good risks - and stretching to actually grow in what I think I can do well in the future. Not just relying on what I've been able to do well in the past.  Lord, I ask you to press into me what is real, true, and that which will grow me to do as you call.