Remembering Love on Valentine's Day

They say birthdays and holidays during the first year of loss are significant times in one's grief. In this new season, I remember my mom in each holiday. We remembered her birthday just a couple of weeks beyond her funeral. And, then my son's 7th birthday was spent missing her presence amidst the gifts, games, and food.

Today is February 14th. A day where cynics and lovers alike swoon over red heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, where the price of flowers skyrockets due to high demand, and greeting cards and e-cards alike are shared with those with whom we share affection. And, today, like other holidays, I remember Mom's thoughtfulness and the way she loved me and loved others. She taught me much about love, real love. Not the store-bought t-shirt with the art-deco word Love on it, or the way some people love their cars. She taught me about selfless, sacrificial love. Love that goes beyond how you feel or how you think. It's the kind of love that speaks with actions, not words.

I've experienced love...from many people in my life, my family, my friends. I know what love is, and I know what love isn't. These are just a few of the amazing ways others have loved me, and the ways I hope to love others. Now, some of these things are things that mom used to do. And, although I believe these are ways she showed her love, I cannot bring myself to do some of the same things. But, there are many of these things that I can do, and honestly do, for those that I really love.

Love shares the last piece of your favorite treat. Love offers a beverage to every service tech that walks through the door to fix something in the house. Love opens her home to visitors and hosts coffee and danish to the neighbors before work on the front porch. Love grabs another person's cold hands and presses them against her warm hands and arms and face to bring them back to room temperature. Love goes out of its way to pick out a special thoughtful gift and personally deliver it with a hug. Love brings coffee to a friend because there's a BOGO deal at Caribou. Love takes you shopping for a dress and pays for lunch. Love thinks about friends' birthdays months in advance, purchases cards, writes them out, puts a stamp on each one, and leaves them waiting to be dropped in the mailbox just before the said event. Love bakes a pie for the neighbors just because. Love generously shares time and life to listen and sit next to, and hang out with, and talk or not talk. Love cooks dinner, does all the dishes, and doesn't complain or ask for help. Love washes the laundry, dries it, folds it, and sends it back to college in a neat pile. Love takes the car for an oil change and car wash and brings it back with a full tank of gas. Love sees the uniqueness of her beloved, and finds ways to celebrate it. Love frugally gathers fabric and sews clothing for children who otherwise would go without. Love pours out belonging, acceptance, forgiveness, and humility over and over and over again. Love wants to be near her beloved, but allows freedom to fly and experience the world and all the love that is in it. Love allows choice to love in return. Love sees others through compassionate eyes and Love's heart breaks when others are in pain. Love has known pain and fear, and gives and loves anyways.  Love wants to make the world a better place because she has known difficulty and hardship. Love serves others and hosts others and shares life with others. Love keeps her children close and looks over their homework. Love tries to shield her beloved from harm and pain, but allows them to feel it so they can grow. Love makes her kids wear seat-belts in the car and enrolls them in swimming lessons. Love gives away love because she has known love and learned love from others. Love shares in her life, love shares in her death.


1Corinthians 13:1-13 (NIV)
May each of you feel the deep love of God in your lives today. This is what I have to hang onto in this season of missing someone who really showed me how to love, and what love is.